I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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