i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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