tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
