sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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