so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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