So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
