I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
