Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
