Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
