Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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