shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
