I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize