The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
