Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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