I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
