I'm going to jail i love you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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