when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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