I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
