Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
