Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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