we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
