have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
