I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
