so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
