Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
