I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I died a long time ago.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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