Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
