Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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