he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
