How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
