you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
