So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
