I wanna passion pit in your ass
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
