What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
