i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
