just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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