Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i barfeds in our rink
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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