I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
