Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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