he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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