i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
