it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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