I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
