my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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