You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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