halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize