just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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