i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
