just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
