I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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