I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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