You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
