everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
