I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
