wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
