i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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