just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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