god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
