the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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