Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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