I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I forget how to act sober
Randomize