You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
