i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Two words: blizzard sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
