I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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