i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
