Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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