I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
