textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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