If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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