I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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