we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
