She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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