I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
