I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
