drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
