Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
