party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
