All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
