We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
