The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
