I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
