a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
