Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
