Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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