somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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