Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
