I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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