My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
