Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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