oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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