Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
