call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize