I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
