You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
