How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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