I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
