Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
