He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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