all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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