why didn't you poke me back
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
