Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
