he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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