Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
