did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
