i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
