My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
