I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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