i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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