I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
