Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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