All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
